Tag Archives: tattoo

Crisis

Yvette M. from Los Angeles, California writes, “Dear Answerman, I’m about to get married (it’s both of our second marriages) and my fiancee came home in this car. I thought I knew him, what should I do?

Side view finished

Dear Yvette, this is not a car. This is a flame infused mid-life crisis, that advertises it’s driver has the penis of a Telletubby.

I suggest you be direct with him and say, “I can continue to make believe you satisfy me sexually, but the car has to go.” I’m sure he’ll make the right choice.

Love,

Poppy

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Artificial

grass toilet

Mandy R. from Summerlin, Nevada asks: “Dear Answerman, we don’t get much rain out here in Nevada so I’m thinking about replacing my grass with artificial turf. Will my dog Kona be okay relieving herself on the fake stuff?”

Dear Mandy, fake grass, or as I like to call it a “yard merkin“, is as senseless as covering yourself in tattoos to prove you’re “butch” (yes, I’m talking to you Justin Bieber).

Will Kona be okay dropping ass biscuits on your yard merkin? Dogs aren’t picky, we’ll shit in your mouth if you lie on the floor. But, will she like it? In the same way you’d prefer having coitus with an electric toothbrush.

Love,

Poppy

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Email: justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Facebook: mranswerman                                                                            Instagram: poppyisadog

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Tattoo

Stacy K. from North Hollywood, California asks, “Poppy, my fiancee has each of his ex-wife’s names tattooed on his arms and he won’t get rid of them (there are two ex-wives). What should I do?”

Stacy, it’s not very often that you come across a man who hasn’t grasped the concept that marriage is temporary, but tattoos are forever…twice. If I were you I’d be happy that he wasn’t tattooed with the names of the people he infected with herpes. Good luck, looks like you’ve found yourself a keeper.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

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