Tag Archives: ego

Party Girlz

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Amber M. from Peekskill, NY writes, “Yo Answerman. I ain’t afraid to admit it, I like to get my drink on, I like to shake my ass and I like to party, but my bestie doesn’t always get invited to the parties I gets invited to. Now she be upset because I go without her, is it okay if I goes anyways?”

Dear Amber, I can tell you are a classy woman who probably enjoys the finer things in life, like Kirkland brand vodka and bleaching your anus. While I approve of you getting your “drink on”, minus your bestie, always keep in mind the drunken, slurred words of Lindsey Lohan, “A shot of tequila will keep you warm for a few minutes, but a friend will keep you…oh my God, I think I just shit myself.”

Love,

Poppy

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Crisis

Yvette M. from Los Angeles, California writes, “Dear Answerman, I’m about to get married (it’s both of our second marriages) and my fiancee came home in this car. I thought I knew him, what should I do?

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Dear Yvette, this is not a car. This is a flame infused mid-life crisis, that advertises it’s driver has the penis of a Telletubby.

I suggest you be direct with him and say, “I can continue to make believe you satisfy me sexually, but the car has to go.” I’m sure he’ll make the right choice.

Love,

Poppy

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Twins

Michael M. from Gulf Breeze, Florida asks, “Mr. Answerman, what do you think of humans who buy dogs that look like themselves?”

Dear Michael, this is a free country and you should be able to do whatever you want, but you have to ask yourself, what kind of a mega-narcissistic ass would buy a dog that reminds them of themselves?

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 Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

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