dad | The Answer Man

Nov 23 2016

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advice, advice column, Humor

Child-Proof

Leslie R., from Potomac, Maryland writes: “Dear Answerman, my 8 year old son walked in on me and my husband having sex. What do I say to him?”

Dear Leslie, I once caught my mother in the middle of a three-way with a one balled schnauzer and poodle mix in a doggie wheelchair, so I understand how sensitive this can be. Tell him, “Daddy was looking for the TV remote, in my vagina.” In my experience, lying is the best solution.

LIKE us here and on Facebook if you love bad advice.

Love,

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Instagram: poppyisadog

Tagged advice, dad, dog, embarrassed, friends, funny, funny or die, humanity, humor, idea, jokes, lie, mom, parents, question, sarcastic, sex, stupid, truth, women

Dec 27 2015

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advice, advice column, Humor

Tinsel All The Way.

Julia T. from Scarsdale, New York asks, “Dear Answerman, my husband just told me he has a fantasy about wrapping me up in tinsel. I’m afraid if I do this I’ll never be able to look at a Christmas tree the same way. Help me!”

Dear Julia, just to clarify, your husband has a fetish that mixes dominance, bondage and the joyful celebration of Jesus Christ’s birth?!? Never being able to look at a Christmas tree the same way is the least of your problems. Do this and you’ll never be able to look at a Chrismas tree, your husband, or a roll of aluminum foil the same way.

Happy Holidays.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, christmas, christmas fetish, christmas tree, comedy, creepy, dad, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, dumb, father, fetish, funny, humor, idiot, kinky, laugh, loser, love, odd fetish, penis, poppy, present, punishment, relationship, S&M, sarcastic, sex, stupid, stupid fetish, tie-up, tinsel, truth, weird fetish, wife, wrap, wrap-up

Nov 25 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

Hooking

Yvonne K. from Davenport, Iowa asks, “Dear Answerman, I recently graduated college and I’ve been covering my living expenses and college loans by working as an escort. My parents expect me to go to law school, so if they find out they will explode. What should I do?”

Dear Yvonne, prostitution is a noble profession. You’re bringing joy and happiness to lonely men, whose wives are repulsed by them. And, if you think about it, the only difference between you and a lawyer is that lawyers won’t kiss their clients as they fuck them.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, angry, college loan, comedy, dad, dark comedy, dog, dumb, father, funny, happiness, humor, idiot, joy, law school, lawyer, loser, love, parents, penis, poppy, prostitute, prostitution, relationship, sarcastic, sex, stupid, truth, wife

May 29 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

Naked.

Caren B, from Fort Wayne, Indiana writes: Dear Answerman, I’m 16 and my father says he has to walk around nude to dry his hemorrhoids. I’m disgusted, what should I do?

Caren, simple solution to your problem. Next time he decides to publicly air dry his hemorrhoids say in a very loud voice to your mother, “Mom, does it bother you that dad is hung like a light switch?”

Love.

Poppy

email your questions to: justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, comedy, dad, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, dumb, father, funny, gift, hemorrhoids, humor, idiot, laugh, loser, love, naked, penis, poppy, present, sarcastic, small penis, truth, wife

May 28 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

Dad’s Girlfriend

Jeanie M, from Spokane, Washington writes, “Dear Poppy, my dad’s girlfriend is mean and gross and I hate her, should I tell him?”

Jeanie, think of yourself as a doctor, who needs to decide if she should tell a patient to remove a non-life threatening goiter, that has sex with him. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.

Tagged advice, advice column, comedy, dad, dark comedy, dark humor, daughter, doctor, dog, dumb, father, funny, girlfriend, goiter, humor, idiot, laugh, loser, love, poppy, sarcastic, stupid, truth

The Answer Man

I am Poppy and I offer the best advice you never wanted. Email me a question at poppyadvice[at]gmail.com

Tag Archives: dad

Child-Proof

Leslie R., from Potomac, Maryland writes: “Dear Answerman, my 8 year old son walked in on me and my husband having sex. What do I say to him?”

Dear Leslie, I once caught my mother in the middle of a three-way with a one balled schnauzer and poodle mix in a doggie wheelchair, so I understand how sensitive this can be. Tell him, “Daddy was looking for the TV remote, in my vagina.” In my experience, lying is the best solution.

LIKE us here and on Facebook if you love bad advice.

Love,

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Instagram: poppyisadog

Tinsel All The Way.

Julia T. from Scarsdale, New York asks, “Dear Answerman, my husband just told me he has a fantasy about wrapping me up in tinsel. I’m afraid if I do this I’ll never be able to look at a Christmas tree the same way. Help me!”

Happy Holidays.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Hooking

Yvonne K. from Davenport, Iowa asks, “Dear Answerman, I recently graduated college and I’ve been covering my living expenses and college loans by working as an escort. My parents expect me to go to law school, so if they find out they will explode. What should I do?”

Dear Yvonne, prostitution is a noble profession. You’re bringing joy and happiness to lonely men, whose wives are repulsed by them. And, if you think about it, the only difference between you and a lawyer is that lawyers won’t kiss their clients as they fuck them.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Naked.

Caren B, from Fort Wayne, Indiana writes: Dear Answerman, I’m 16 and my father says he has to walk around nude to dry his hemorrhoids. I’m disgusted, what should I do?

Caren, simple solution to your problem. Next time he decides to publicly air dry his hemorrhoids say in a very loud voice to your mother, “Mom, does it bother you that dad is hung like a light switch?”

Love.

Poppy

email your questions to: justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Dad’s Girlfriend

Jeanie M, from Spokane, Washington writes, “Dear Poppy, my dad’s girlfriend is mean and gross and I hate her, should I tell him?”

Jeanie, think of yourself as a doctor, who needs to decide if she should tell a patient to remove a non-life threatening goiter, that has sex with him. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.

The Answer Man

I am Poppy and I offer the best advice you never wanted. Email me a question at poppyadvice[at]gmail.com

Tag Archives: dad

Child-Proof

Leslie R., from Potomac, Maryland writes: “Dear Answerman, my 8 year old son walked in on me and my husband having sex. What do I say to him?”

Dear Leslie, I once caught my mother in the middle of a three-way with a one balled schnauzer and poodle mix in a doggie wheelchair, so I understand how sensitive this can be. Tell him, “Daddy was looking for the TV remote, in my vagina.” In my experience, lying is the best solution.

LIKE us here and on Facebook if you love bad advice.

Love,

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com Instagram: poppyisadog

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Tinsel All The Way.

Julia T. from Scarsdale, New York asks, “Dear Answerman, my husband just told me he has a fantasy about wrapping me up in tinsel. I’m afraid if I do this I’ll never be able to look at a Christmas tree the same way. Help me!”

Happy Holidays.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

Hooking

Yvonne K. from Davenport, Iowa asks, “Dear Answerman, I recently graduated college and I’ve been covering my living expenses and college loans by working as an escort. My parents expect me to go to law school, so if they find out they will explode. What should I do?”

Dear Yvonne, prostitution is a noble profession. You’re bringing joy and happiness to lonely men, whose wives are repulsed by them. And, if you think about it, the only difference between you and a lawyer is that lawyers won’t kiss their clients as they fuck them.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

Naked.

Caren B, from Fort Wayne, Indiana writes: Dear Answerman, I’m 16 and my father says he has to walk around nude to dry his hemorrhoids. I’m disgusted, what should I do?

Caren, simple solution to your problem. Next time he decides to publicly air dry his hemorrhoids say in a very loud voice to your mother, “Mom, does it bother you that dad is hung like a light switch?”

Love.

Poppy

email your questions to: justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

Dad’s Girlfriend

Jeanie M, from Spokane, Washington writes, “Dear Poppy, my dad’s girlfriend is mean and gross and I hate her, should I tell him?”

Jeanie, think of yourself as a doctor, who needs to decide if she should tell a patient to remove a non-life threatening goiter, that has sex with him. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.

Share this:

justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Instagram: poppyisadog