Tag Archives: ex-girlfriend

Holiday Cheer

x-mas-tree-e1504904290278.jpg

Tito H. from Orange County, CA writes: “Yo Answerman, I’ve been dating the same bitch for three weeks. I know she got me an X-Box for Christmas, which I fucking want, but I don’t want to buy her shit, ’cause I’m gonna dump her ass. What should I do?”

Dear Tito, the mature move would be to break up and let her return the X-Box. Then she will be free to find her soul mate, a parolee, who breeds hamsters in a broken down Chrysler Mini-van.

But, if you decide to part ways once you get the X-Box, I have written a riddle just for you:

Question: What’s the difference between you and my asshole?                  

Answer:   One is a putrid, shit soaked hole that should never be kissed and the other lies between my ass cheeks.

Love,

Poppy

LIKE us here and on Facebook.

Email: justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Instagram: poppyisadog                                                                                                 Facebook: mranswerman

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Ugly Truth

angry-woman-shouting-at-man

Anna L, from Cocoa Beach, Florida writes: “Dear Answerman, my boyfriend just blurted out that his ex is better in the sack than me, and then he topped it off with, ‘it’s okay because I love you and I never loved her.’ What the hell am I supposed to do with that nugget of shit?!”

Dear Anna,  your boyfriend is a hopeless romantic…in the same way that “Gonorrhea” is a great name for a newborn. I see your relationship playing out like this: You stay together, get married, have kids, while he screws everything including dead bodies and knotty pine. Get out before you are carrying his demon seed.

Love,

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Instagram: poppyisadog

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Lingerie

Liz W. from Roanoke, Virgina asks, “Mr. Answerman, I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 5 months and he still has his ex-girlfriend’s lingerie in our bedroom closet. I told him “it’s got to go”, but he says I’m “over-reacting”. Thoughts?

Liz, “overreacting” is screaming at your boyfriend’s mother, “you are a skanky, ho-bag, sea donkey!”, because she greets him with a hug and kiss. I’d say if anything, living with someone else’s underwear in your closet means you have “low self-esteem” mixed with an unhealthy dollop of “abandonment issues” …or as I like to call it “The Stripper Complex”.

By the way, have you checked to see if the lingerie is your boyfriend’s size?

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Advertisements
my my day

it's your day, enjoy it.

If This Is A Blog Then What's Christmas?

I am Poppy and I offer the best advice you never wanted. Email me a question at poppyadvice[at]gmail.com

ItsJustADogBook.com

It's Just A Dog is a novel and a dog blog about dog books, dog movies, dog videos, and funny dogs galore!

Michael Bradley - Time Traveler

The official website of Michael Bradley - Author of novels, short stories and poetry involving the past, future, and what may have been.

No Dog About It Blog

It's all about dogs!

Gentle Touch Dog Training on Settlement Drive

Woof! wag, wag, glad you're here to talk, show, think canine.

bunkers down.

bunker down, what morons say when they mean hunker down.

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

charlottecarrendar

~Weaving Words in her Web~

The Naturarian

Everything Nature in NE Illinois / SE Wisconsin!

esellsted

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

Storytime with John

Pull up and listen...I've got a funny one for ya...

The Good Greatsby

Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved...by somebody rich and famous.

my real fake life

I lie because my real life is so awesome no one would believe me.

jacksteinslife

Just another WordPress.com site

%d bloggers like this: