Ken B. from Spokane, Washington asks, “Dear Answerman, I smoke an e-cigarette, which doesn’t really put out smoke, but my wife doesn’t want me using it in the house, who’s right?”
Dear Ken, by all means, stick to your guns and alienate the only person who’s willing to sleep with you without a run to an ATM machine.
Brenda M. from Mobile, Alabama asks, “Mr. Answerman, I’m 15 and want to get my belly button pierced, do you think I should?”
Brenda, don’t think of it as a belly-button ring, think of it as a step closer to your dream of a double-wide filled with “Rent-To-Own” furniture and a baby daddy who smells like motor oil and pork rinds. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Stacy K. from North Hollywood, California asks, “Poppy, my fiancee has each of his ex-wife’s names tattooed on his arms and he won’t get rid of them (there are two ex-wives). What should I do?”
Stacy, it’s not very often that you come across a man who hasn’t grasped the concept that marriage is temporary, but tattoos are forever…twice. If I were you I’d be happy that he wasn’t tattooed with the names of the people he infected with herpes. Good luck, looks like you’ve found yourself a keeper.
Pete E. from Ann Arbor, Michigan asks: “My girlfriend is cheating on me, what should I do?”
Pete, did you really ask, “what should I do?”
Here’s an idea, hit one of those websites dedicated to women looking for men who have “mommy” issues. Good luck, I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding someone to escort you to Cher concerts.
Shawn M. from Biloxi, Mississippi askes, “Poppy, have you ever been in love?”
Yes, a Chow Chow named Koontz. She’s got everything I like in my bitches. A little meat on the bones, extra fur where you need it and an ass that smells like rotisserie chicken.
The Answer Man 