The Answer Man
I am Poppy and I offer the best advice you never wanted. Email me a question at poppyadvice[at]gmail.com
Tag Archives: truth
Ignored
Carol G, from St. Petersburg, Florida writes, “Dear Poppy, my husband and I just returned from vacation and my dog Amira is ignoring me. She doesn’t hold a grudge against my husband, just me. What should I do?”
Dear Carol, you have nothing to worry about unless your husband’s private area suddenly takes on the feint odor of Snausages™.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Love Conquers
Clive L, from Bay Head, New Jersey asks, “Mr. Answerman, do you believe love conquers all?”
Yes, but only if you’re rich and hung like Secretariat.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
The Bottom
Brian R. from Raleigh, North Carolina writes, “Mr. Answerman, I’m 42, obese, bald, have chronic halitosis, my wife left me, I got fired from my job and I got a DUI for parking my car in the neighbor’s pool. Have I hit rock bottom yet?”
Brian, I’m still trying to figure out how you got a wife and a job.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Dad’s Girlfriend
Jeanie M, from Spokane, Washington writes, “Dear Poppy, my dad’s girlfriend is mean and gross and I hate her, should I tell him?”
Jeanie, think of yourself as a doctor, who needs to decide if she should tell a patient to remove a non-life threatening goiter, that has sex with him. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.
Vape
Ken B. from Spokane, Washington asks, “Dear Answerman, I smoke an e-cigarette, which doesn’t really put out smoke, but my wife doesn’t want me using it in the house, who’s right?”
Dear Ken, by all means, stick to your guns and alienate the only person who’s willing to sleep with you without a run to an ATM machine.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Tattoo
Stacy K. from North Hollywood, California asks, “Poppy, my fiancee has each of his ex-wife’s names tattooed on his arms and he won’t get rid of them (there are two ex-wives). What should I do?”
Stacy, it’s not very often that you come across a man who hasn’t grasped the concept that marriage is temporary, but tattoos are forever…twice. If I were you I’d be happy that he wasn’t tattooed with the names of the people he infected with herpes. Good luck, looks like you’ve found yourself a keeper.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
Labs
Ira M. from Charlotte, North Carolina writes, “Dear Poppy, why do labradors like to chase things?”
Dear Ira, labradors and their ilk, have the unbridaled giddiness of Kathy Lee Gifford, the neediness of Lindsay Lohan and the I.Q. of a rock.
Blindly chasing things is their way of coping with the confusion of being dumb.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
The Answer Man 