Sheryl V. from Covington, Kentucky writes: “Dear Answerman, my husband and I are traveling to my neice’s wedding at great expense. Are we still required to give a present?”
Sheryl, I understand how you’d want to block out the memory of your own wedding day. Not many women can claim they married the guy who proposed by saying, “I guess I need to buy the cow now that I had ass-sex with it.” But I’m sure all your “kin-folk”, even the ones who traveled at “great expense” brought you gifts (i.e. live chickens, motor oil and an IUD). Be a class act, get them a gift that doesn’t have a screw cap.
Caren B, from Fort Wayne, Indiana writes: Dear Answerman, I’m 16 and my father says he has to walk around nude to dry his hemorrhoids. I’m disgusted, what should I do?
Caren, simple solution to your problem. Next time he decides to publicly air dry his hemorrhoids say in a very loud voice to your mother, “Mom, does it bother you that dad is hung like a light switch?”
Carol G, from St. Petersburg, Florida writes, “Dear Poppy, my husband and I just returned from vacation and my dog Amira is ignoring me. She doesn’t hold a grudge against my husband, just me. What should I do?”
Dear Carol, you have nothing to worry about unless your husband’s private area suddenly takes on the feint odor of Snausages™.
Brian R. from Raleigh, North Carolina writes, “Mr. Answerman, I’m 42, obese, bald, have chronic halitosis, my wife left me, I got fired from my job and I got a DUI for parking my car in the neighbor’s pool. Have I hit rock bottom yet?”
Brian, I’m still trying to figure out how you got a wife and a job.
Jeanie M, from Spokane, Washington writes, “Dear Poppy, my dad’s girlfriend is mean and gross and I hate her, should I tell him?”
Jeanie, think of yourself as a doctor, who needs to decide if she should tell a patient to remove a non-life threatening goiter, that has sex with him. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.
Colleen S. from Pine Bluff, Arkansas writes, “Dear Answerman, is staring at other women a ‘guy thing’? My boyfriend does it all the time and says it’s normal.”
Colleen, it depends on how you define, “staring”. If by “staring” you mean a quick glance as someone walks by, then I would say, normal.
If by “staring” you mean this:
Then I would suggest a quick break up in a public place and a restraining order.
Love.
Poppy
justaskpoppy@icloud.com
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The Answer Man 