stupid | The Answer Man

May 01 2014

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Humor

Tattoo

Stacy K. from North Hollywood, California asks, “Poppy, my fiancee has each of his ex-wife’s names tattooed on his arms and he won’t get rid of them (there are two ex-wives). What should I do?”

Stacy, it’s not very often that you come across a man who hasn’t grasped the concept that marriage is temporary, but tattoos are forever…twice. If I were you I’d be happy that he wasn’t tattooed with the names of the people he infected with herpes. Good luck, looks like you’ve found yourself a keeper.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, break-up, comedy, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, ex-wife, funny, humor, laugh, love, poppy, sarcastic, stupid, tattoo, truth, wife

May 01 2014

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Humor

Labs

Ira M. from Charlotte, North Carolina writes, “Dear Poppy, why do labradors like to chase things?”

Dear Ira, labradors and their ilk, have the unbridaled giddiness of Kathy Lee Gifford, the neediness of Lindsay Lohan and the I.Q. of a rock.

Blindly chasing things is their way of coping with the confusion of being dumb.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, comedy, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, dumb, funny, humor, labrador, labrador retreiver, laugh, poppy, retrieve, sarcastic, stupid, truth

Apr 22 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

Mother’s Pressure

Sharie Z from Wilmington, Deleware asks, “Poppy, my mother said I should be looking for a husband in college, but I think I should be playing the field. What do you think?”

Shari, definetly make a promise that you’ll have sex with the same man, for the rest of your life, by age 21. I’m not sure if you know this, but your mother is an idiot.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, break-up, comedy, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, dumb, humor, idiot, laugh, loser, love, sarcastic, stupid, truth

Apr 22 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

Mayonaise.

Dan E. of Houston, Texas writes: “Dear Poppy, I think I like mayonaise too much, how do I stop eating it?”

Daniel, stop thinking of mayonnaise as a tasty condiment, but rather a giant jar of bull semen. Of course if you’re into bull semen too, I’m not sure I can help you.

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, comedy, condiment, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, dumb, funny, humor, idiot, laugh, loser, mayonaise, poppy, sarcastic, stupid, truth

Apr 22 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

MY SCENT.

Kyle F. of Lander, Wyoming writes: “Dear Answer Man, I like the smell of my own farts. Is that wrong?”

Dear Kyle, I like the smell of dog urine, so I may not be the best judge of what is “wrong”.

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, dark comedy, dark humor, dumb, fart, funny, idiot, laugh, loser, poppy, sarcastic, stupid, truth, urine

Apr 22 2014

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advice, advice column, Humor

Wipe.

Tom Anderson of Cleveland Ohio writes: “Dear Answer Man, why don’t dogs have to wipe their butts?”

Tom, just because you don’t see it happen, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. Take a peek under your bed and it’s gonna look like someone dragged a chocolate easter bunny across that discount wall to wall carpeting you just installed (spoiler alert, that’s not chocolate.)

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Tagged advice, advice column, butt-wipe, comedy, crap, dark comedy, dark humor, dog, dumb, funny, humor, idiot, laugh, loser, poop, poppy, sarcastic, shit, stupid, truth, wipe

The Answer Man

I am Poppy and I offer the best advice you never wanted. Email me a question at poppyadvice[at]gmail.com

Tag Archives: stupid

Tattoo

Stacy K. from North Hollywood, California asks, “Poppy, my fiancee has each of his ex-wife’s names tattooed on his arms and he won’t get rid of them (there are two ex-wives). What should I do?”

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Labs

Ira M. from Charlotte, North Carolina writes, “Dear Poppy, why do labradors like to chase things?”

Dear Ira, labradors and their ilk, have the unbridaled giddiness of Kathy Lee Gifford, the neediness of Lindsay Lohan and the I.Q. of a rock.

Blindly chasing things is their way of coping with the confusion of being dumb.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Mother’s Pressure

Sharie Z from Wilmington, Deleware asks, “Poppy, my mother said I should be looking for a husband in college, but I think I should be playing the field. What do you think?”

Shari, definetly make a promise that you’ll have sex with the same man, for the rest of your life, by age 21. I’m not sure if you know this, but your mother is an idiot.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Mayonaise.

Dan E. of Houston, Texas writes: “Dear Poppy, I think I like mayonaise too much, how do I stop eating it?”

Daniel, stop thinking of mayonnaise as a tasty condiment, but rather a giant jar of bull semen. Of course if you’re into bull semen too, I’m not sure I can help you.

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

MY SCENT.

Kyle F. of Lander, Wyoming writes: “Dear Answer Man, I like the smell of my own farts. Is that wrong?”

Dear Kyle, I like the smell of dog urine, so I may not be the best judge of what is “wrong”.

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Wipe.

Tom Anderson of Cleveland Ohio writes: “Dear Answer Man, why don’t dogs have to wipe their butts?”

Tom, just because you don’t see it happen, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. Take a peek under your bed and it’s gonna look like someone dragged a chocolate easter bunny across that discount wall to wall carpeting you just installed (spoiler alert, that’s not chocolate.)

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

The Answer Man

I am Poppy and I offer the best advice you never wanted. Email me a question at poppyadvice[at]gmail.com

Tag Archives: stupid

Tattoo

Stacy K. from North Hollywood, California asks, “Poppy, my fiancee has each of his ex-wife’s names tattooed on his arms and he won’t get rid of them (there are two ex-wives). What should I do?”

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

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Labs

Ira M. from Charlotte, North Carolina writes, “Dear Poppy, why do labradors like to chase things?”

Dear Ira, labradors and their ilk, have the unbridaled giddiness of Kathy Lee Gifford, the neediness of Lindsay Lohan and the I.Q. of a rock.

Blindly chasing things is their way of coping with the confusion of being dumb.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

Mother’s Pressure

Sharie Z from Wilmington, Deleware asks, “Poppy, my mother said I should be looking for a husband in college, but I think I should be playing the field. What do you think?”

Shari, definetly make a promise that you’ll have sex with the same man, for the rest of your life, by age 21. I’m not sure if you know this, but your mother is an idiot.

Love.

Poppy

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

Mayonaise.

Dan E. of Houston, Texas writes: “Dear Poppy, I think I like mayonaise too much, how do I stop eating it?”

Daniel, stop thinking of mayonnaise as a tasty condiment, but rather a giant jar of bull semen. Of course if you’re into bull semen too, I’m not sure I can help you.

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

MY SCENT.

Kyle F. of Lander, Wyoming writes: “Dear Answer Man, I like the smell of my own farts. Is that wrong?”

Dear Kyle, I like the smell of dog urine, so I may not be the best judge of what is “wrong”.

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this:

Wipe.

Tom Anderson of Cleveland Ohio writes: “Dear Answer Man, why don’t dogs have to wipe their butts?”

Tom, just because you don’t see it happen, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. Take a peek under your bed and it’s gonna look like someone dragged a chocolate easter bunny across that discount wall to wall carpeting you just installed (spoiler alert, that’s not chocolate.)

Love Poppy.

justaskpoppy@icloud.com

Share this: